Day dying mum told Rogers he could swap
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Day dying mum told Rogers he could swap
Margie McDonald
August 21, 2010 12:00AM
AS the son of one of rugby league's best players, Mat Rogers had a real dilemma when rugby union came calling.
And he had a few other things on his mind. His mother Carol was entering the final stages of terminal breast cancer. It was 2001 and Rogers was in his seventh season with the Cronulla Sharks.
He had not seriously considered rugby before because his mother didn't want him to leave the code in which his father Steve Rogers was a superstar.
Steve had told his son watching rugby union was "like watching paint dry".
Carol Rogers lost her battle with cancer in May 2001 and Rogers signed with the Australian Rugby Union to play with the NSW Waratahs one month later.
"On her deathbed she basically gave me her blessing to go to rugby union," Rogers told The Weekend Australian after announcing his retirement on Tuesday.
This will be his fourth, and last, season with the Gold Coast Titans.
"Before then Mum had told me she didn't want me to go to rugby because basically my Dad was boss at Cronulla and me leaving, not only Cronulla but rugby league, would look bad," Rogers said.
"And I understood that. She had always been a very supportive wife. But I told her it was also a little unfair that she would say that as I wasn't Dad.
"She agreed and gave me her blessing to move on and I did. And I felt good about it. I took up a new challenge (in rugby) with her still with me in some way."
Rogers, at 25, had buried his 2000 rugby league World Cup winners' medal with his mother.
Rogers, at 29, just one month before his 30th birthday, lost his father to an accidental overdose as he struggled with depression.
"With my Mum it was just before I went to rugby but I had been dealing with it for a long time, her illness. And I always had Dad there to talk to about things, whether it was personal stuff or football," Rogers said.
"But when I lost Dad that was out of the blue, a complete shock."
Sometimes death can be a hurdle too big to jump over for those left behind, and their careers falter. Rogers nearly didn't make it. "With Mum's death I knew it was coming. It had been such a long process. So when she died it wasn't a relief, but I was glad her suffering had come to an end. So it was a release and I started to cope from that day," he said.
"But I didn't cope with Dad's death at all well, at first. I took off after it happened. I went away for a couple of weeks on Lord Howe Island with a few friends and (wife) Chloe (Maxwell).
"It was great to get away, but I dreaded returning to reality when I came back. It was like I had to relive the whole thing all over again, and again. At Cronulla everyone knows everybody and everywhere I went people kept asking me about him and talking to me about Dad.
"I really struggled to deal with it. I almost walked away from everything."
Two people stopped him: Waratahs chief medical officer Sharon Flahive and his older brother Don.
"I had a meeting with Sharon. She phoned me and got me to come in and talk to her and helped me understand what my Dad would want and what I had to do to move on," Rogers said.
"My brother (Don) gave me a book (of thoughts and quotations) and wrote a message in the front of it. It was those two things I remember vividly and quite clearly that made me think, 'I've got to snap out of it and start moving on'.
"I still read that book weekly and I remember sitting on my balcony at Cronulla with Sharon and she'd be asking me 'What would your Dad say to you if he was here right now?'
"It made me voice it out loud and start again, as if he was telling me."
Rogers did continue, but not in rugby union. He was granted a release in December 2006 and joined the Titans for their foundation year in 2007. It was a new start but in familiar surroundings.
Rogers and his siblings Don and Melanie had grown up on the Gold Coast because of Steve's football commitments and he had been a boarder at The Southport School, one of rugby union's most famous nurseries. He was returning home again to finish his career.
He has had remarkable stints in two football codes -- two clubs, a Super League grand final (Sharks 1997), five State of Origin games for Queensland and 11 Tests for Australia in rugby league and a Super 14 final (Waratahs 2005), a World Cup final (2003) and 45 Tests for the Wallabies.
So after surviving his personal highs and lows, along with the professional ones, it would seem nothing could scare Rogers any more. But there is one thing.
"I've never been more scared than when my son was diagnosed with autism," he said.
Rogers married Maxwell in October 2008 and has two children Max, 3, and Phoenix, 2. He has two children with first wife Michelle, Jack 13, and Skyla 10.
Max was diagnosed with autism when he was two. It sent both Rogers and Maxwell into a spin. "I knew we'd deal with it, but I took a lot of strength from my sister, who had a Down Syndrome child, the year after Mum died," Rogers said. "The way she handled it -- I drew a lot of strength and advice from her. So things I'm scared of now relate to my kids."
He and Maxwell -- a television presenter and former model -- have set up the charity 4ASDKids and has been hosting several fundraising events and initiatives. He has received support from many other players, including St George Illawarra's Luke Priddis, whose son Cooper has autism.
Part of Rogers' charity is to provide programs to help autistic kids make the transition to mainstream activities like school and sport.
"We hope we've made it more accepted, because to be honest, my biggest fear is the way Max is treated when he goes to school," Rogers said.
"Kids can be pretty brutal at times. But if they're being made aware of autism through what Chloe and I are doing, then that's a blessing. We've come out the other side and we feel we're better people for it."
So now that he is reaching the end of his career, it's time to ask a few questions.
Which is harder? Rugby union or rugby league?
"I've played games of rugby union where I've walked off saying, 'That was the hardest game ever' and I've played games of league where I've thought, 'Well I got through that pretty easily'," Rogers said. "One is not harder than the other.
"It depends on each game. They can both be very tough and trying or they can be enjoyable. I've enjoyed and loved playing both in equal measure."
Why did you bother with league in the first place?
Many children of famous sporting parents avoid that avenue so no comparisons can be made.
"I never thought of it that way. I always told him I'd be better than him. It was the competitive streak in me. It was only later I realised how that statement might haunt me. Dad was so very tough. He was a freakish player," Rogers said.
"I was always going to play footy of some kind.
"I still, to this day, would have done nothing differently. It's my son's (Jack) dream too.
"He wants to keep the dream alive and hopes to realise it."