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Sport quotes of 2009
January 1, 2010 - 4:23PM
Sport stars can be profound, pretentious or just pig-ignorant, so put your feet up and look back over some of the more memorabel turns of phrase in 2009 with Part 2 tomorrow. Best of luck with everything you want to achieve in the next 12 months. The world's your lobster.
JANUARY
"Is it fair that I got suspended? It's not fair in reality, but it's probably fair in perception."
JOHN DALY, who smashed a fan's camera while visiting Australia and then was suspended from the US PGA Tour for six months for on-going bad publicity. He ended the year a lot slimmer after lap-band surgery.
"The suits do make a difference and now we are getting to a point where some suits are starting to make a lot more of a difference."
A prescient comment to begin the year from Eamon Sullivan's coach GRANT STOELWINDER. The swim-suit controversy dogged the sport throughout 2009.
"We've got a great set-up here, Adelaide United have led the way and we've got a bunch of great lads in the dressing room, not because I see them naked in the shower or anything, but just because they're a great bunch of lads."
Injured and soon to retire, striker PAUL AGOSTINO on why he'll miss Adelaide United.
"I have to believe they are, certainly from the feedbacks I've gotten since I got involved with the ATP. Sports has become such an incredibly lucrative racket, so to speak, for guys on the street."
Former mafia boss MICHAEL FRANZESE says top-level tennis matches are being influenced by gamblers.
"If you look at the criteria, there's some guys in that side which mightn't have done as well as I have."
Victorian BRAD HODGE after yet another non-selection for Australia. Hodge retired from first class cricket later in the year.
"When I look at the Australian Open I'll be a dangerous floater and I don't think a lot of the top guys would like to meet me in the first or second round."
No, not The Poo, but LLEYTON HEWITT following his comeback from injury at the Hopman Cup.
"I got in trouble in Moscow but it's OK, I can survive. Just some small problem that I wasn't in the right place at the right time ... I won the fight. I'm good, I'm OK."
A battered and bruised MARAT SAFIN admits to being in a brawl before arriving in Australia for another tilt at grand slam glory.
"During the sanction period, Song should meditate on his mistake deeply and write a self-criticism."
China's HEILONGJIANG SPORTS BUREAU sets the standard for the NRL, AFL and others after banning speed skater Song Xingyu for a year for rudely gesturing to the crowd.
"I had absolutely zero fear of my position within the cricket team. I believe I would be going on that [Ashes] tour and fulfilling that dream [if I wanted]. This is the point where I want to step off."
Besieged Australia opener MATTHEW HAYDEN after drawing the curtain on his glittering 103-Test cricket career.
"We won't miss his cooking."
After giving a glowing tribute to his retiring mate, Australian captain RICKY PONTING ribs MATTHEW HAYDEN, a successful cookbook author.
"I have a small business. I make brandy, the best thing of all. It's better than whisky, believe me."
JELENA DOKIC's estranged father DAMIR speaking from his home in Belgrade.
"No, I'm sure they'll get it done without me."
ANDY RODDICK when asked if he planned to get up early to watch the inauguaration of US president BARACK OBAMA.
"If someone asked me six or seven weeks ago if I if would be in this position I would have paid them a million dollars."
Former Geelong AFL captain BEN GRAHAM, already sacked three times by two NFL clubs this season, has become the first Australian to make the Super Bowl after his Arizona Cardinals defeated SAV ROCCA'S Philadelphia.
"I'm trying to understand the modern world."
ANDREW SYMONDS on NSW signing Kiwi batting star BRENDON McCULLUM.
"Does he need more rehab? That's up to him and his counsellor to work out."
Australian captain RICKY PONTING on ANDREW SYMONDS.
FEBRUARY
"OK, I got a little tongue-tied — but if I had a pound for every time I've mispronounced a player's name down the years, then I'd be a very wealthy man indeed."
Newcastle Premier League manager JOE KINNEAR after reportedly twice calling his striker CHARLES N'ZOGBIA "Insomnia" in a television inteview.
"I was just a ball boy on the court today."
A sheepish DINARA SAFINA after her 6-0, 6-3 loss to rampant American SERENA WILLIAMS in the Australian Open women's singles final.
"People know me more as the girl who got disqualified in Sydney than winning a bronze medal [at the Athens Olympics], which is really bizarre."
Olympic walker JANE SAVILLE reflects on the ups and downs of her career after announcing her retirement.
"It's obviously bad judgment and it's something I'm not proud of at all."
US swimmer MICHAEL PHELPS' reaction after a British tabloid published a photograph of the Olympic champion in which Phelps appeared to inhale from a glass pipe of the kind used to smoke marijuana.
"I know how you feel right now, it's really tough. But you remember you are a great champion. You are one of the best of history."
Australian Open men's champion RAFAEL NADAL has some words of comfort for ROGER FEDERER after their five-set final.
"Thank you and hopefully this will be the last time you ever see me."
WAYNE CAREY apologises outside court after being convicted and fined $2000 after he pleaded guilty to assaulting police at his Port Melbourne home in January last year.
"Opinions are a bit like backsides, everyone's got one and some of them aren't that great."
North Queensland Fury boss DON MATHESON hits back at critics following the club's signing of former England international ROBBIE FOWLER.
"I'm going to **** myself tomorrow, I know, but I have accepted that."
South Australian golfer TAMIE DURDIN on playing in the final group in the last round of the ANZ Ladies Masters. She shot five-under 67 to tie for second.
"Because of a pissant town, this club will never win anything until you get rid of that crap."
Adelaide United coach AURELIO VIDMAR wins fans in his hometown with this stunning outburst after the Reds' 6-0 aggregate defeat to Melbourne in the A-League major semi-final. He was fined $2000.
"I'm going to get the mean calls: you're gay, you're a poof ... and I am, so I don't care."
Penrith's first-ever male cheerleader AARON NEICH is ready for some sledging in his new rugby league job.
"I don't think he needs to do a couple of laps around the track. He'll be on that horse and he'll be whipping it."
Aussie golfer STUART APPLEBY doesn't think TIGER WOODS will be suffering any rust when he makes his return to the sport at the Match Play Championship in Arizona. His travails later in the year were another issue.
"They were hopeless in Indonesia. I am just being honest. They were absolutely hopeless."
Socceroos coach PIM VERBEEK telling it straight when asked his opinion on how strikers ARCHIE THOMPSON and DANNY ALLSOPP performed in the Asian Cup qualifier against Indonesia which ended in a scoreless draw.
"He's never looked better, he's turned into a machine, he's massive."
A Melbourne Storm official is clearly impressed by the new-look 107-kilogram GREG INGLIS.
MARCH
"On Tuesday morning we were caught in a war ... It's just a bloody game of cricket, not a war. It's not the way life should be or sport should be."
Shocked Australian umpire SIMON TAUFEL'S reaction after being caught in the crossfire of the terrorist attack on the Sri Lankan cricket team in Pakistan which left eight Pakistani policemen dead and several injured.
"It's the rise of the rangas. With Steve Hooker and Joel Milburn, it should be a good year for the redheads. All those kids who get picked on in school, this is for you guys."
Tasmanian redhead TRISTAN THOMAS after beating Beijing Olympic bronze medallist BERSHAWN JACKSON in the 400 metres hurdles at the Sydney Track Classic.
"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."
Irish rugby star BRIAN O'DRISCOLL'S response when asked what it was like to play with and against England manager MARTIN JOHNSON.
"I got on the phone and rang a girl back in Perth, I said, 'real serious, am I a drug addict'? I was devastated. It was a big 12 hours I tell you, we had to fit a lot in, it was like This Is Your Life."
BEN COUSINS says he forgot he was a drug addict after being concussed in his comeback AFL match last week.
"The hardest thing is walking at the moment ... I have absolutely no problems in the car and actually I prefer it that way than the other way around — walking beautifully and having problems in the car."
Formula one driver MARK WEBBER on recovering from a fractured leg which he suffered in a cycling accident in Tasmania last year.
"I always felt confident with this team that they could cope with just about anything, and they did."
Melbourne Victory coach Ernie Merrick, after his team's A-League grand final win over Adelaide.
"I may have been successful as a footballer ... but nonetheless I have been a failure as an emotionally mature man."
Former AFL star WAYNE CAREY, accepting his induction into North Melbourne's Hall of Fame.
"I didn't touch the ball or anything."
Bulldogs captain and illegal 14th man ANDREW RYAN after the NRL club was docked the two competition points it had earned with a last-gasp win over Penrith.
"I've always wanted to get down there and play more in the Aussie sandbelt, because that is my favourite area to play."
TIGER WOODS fancied the prospect of November's Australian Masters, and his big appearance fee.
"Laying in that ditch with a shattered collarbone was a lot better than other health scares I've had."
Tour de France legend and cancer survivor LANCE ARMSTRONG after his comeback was stalled by a crash.
APRIL
"It's just another splinter in the bum as you slide down the banister of life."
Canberra NRL boss JOHN McINTYRE reflecting on coach NEIL HENRY's departure from the Raiders last year via a forgotten contract clause.
"When I come here, people feel for me with some of the things that happened to me at this tournament."
GREG NORMAN at the Masters.
"For 10 years he was always the guy to beat and, sadly, a lot of guys did."
FRANK NOBILO on GREG NORMAN.
"Every goal by Bolivia was a knife in the heart."
Coach DIEGO MARADONA after presiding over Argentina's worst World Cup qualifying loss, 6-1 to Bolivia in La Paz.
"It is now seemingly a matter of every other sporting body that's subordinate to this [the Australian Olympic Committee] just lining up in a queue to punish him for precisely the same thing. I just cannot see the point ... I don't know when it is going to finish."
JUSTIN D'ARCY on his son NICK being kicked off the Rome world swimming championships team by Swimming Australia after an assault charge.
"There is nothing acceptable about this incident and it is offensive to women and indeed to all members of the community."
AFL football operations manager ADRIAN ANDERSON on the chook sex video produced by a group of North Melbourne players.
"I hated it at times. Whoever says it's enjoyable is dead set kidding themselves."
MICHAEL VOSS on his AFL coaching debut in the nine-point win over West Coast.
MAY
"You really need to pinch yourself to believe that he can still spin a web around the best of batsmen in the world. He retired in 2007 and now spends more time on the poker table than on cricket pitches, but give him the ball and the magic resumes."
Indian off-spinner HARBHAJAN SINGH marvels at the ageless SHANE WARNE.
"If I fought King Kong tonight, it would have been the same. I felt great. Guys, I'm back ... Anthony Mundine, you called me out ... it's lights out."
DANNY GREEN puts arch rival ANTHONY MUNDINE on notice after demolishing South African Anthony van Niekerk.
"It's like when you first go back to school. Very excited listening to the teacher and things like that, eating your lunch."
Big Kiwi forward and obvious food lover JEFF LIMA gives his own unique take on the excitement in the New Zealand camp ahead of the trans-Tasman Test.
"I just don't understand what's going on with me, like what is it with my brain."
Shades of older brother MARAT as DINARA SAFINA tries to explain her patchy form since rising to women's tennis No. 1 ranking.
"It was horrific ... it was one of those car crashtype scenarios. Two blokes absolutely and equally committed to the contest."
Richmond coach TERRY WALLACE after the Rance-Selwood collision.
"I suffered like a dog but maybe the fact that I am a professional sportsman and used to competing and fighting helped me."
Golf great SEVE BALLESTEROS on his recuperation after four surgeries to remove a cancerous brain tumour.
"I don't have a bazooka, but it is not a problem for me to get a bazooka."
Everyone's favourite tennis dad DAMIR DOKIC was found to have a cache of various weapons at his home — though not a bazooka — after Serbian police arrested him for threatening to blow up the Australian ambassador in Belgrade.
"It was 11 men against 11 babies."
Manchester United's PATRICE EVRA rubs salt into Arsenal's wounds after his team's Champions League 3-1 semi-final victory.
"Are you watching this? It's a disgrace. It's a f---ing disgrace."
Chelsea player DIDIER DROGBA'S restrained comments to the TV cameras after confronting Norwegian referee TOM HENNING OVREBO following his team's controversial Champions League exit to Barcelona.
"If I had a gun I'd shoot them right now ... I hate them. They disgust me. For all that they did, I hate them so much."
The woman at the centre of a group sex scandal involving several Cronulla Sharks players in Christchurch seven years ago says in a Four Corners report her life has been destroyed by the incident.
"I wouldn't be so sad. Some other players would be. Maybe Andrew Strauss would be sad. Maybe he will be sad if Test cricket dies and Twenty20 comes in. Because there is no way he can make the change. So tough luck. I like Twenty20. Who doesn't?"
Windies captain CHRIS GAYLE, saying he wouldn't mind if Test cricket disappeared altogether while having a dig at England skipper STRAUSS.
"It was 30 hours to get back to Newcastle from Japan. Is that normal? But we went on a round-the-world trip. We should have just gone to Paris. I could have stayed there for a weekend, gone to a gay disco or two and come back home."
Jets defender LJUBO MILICEVIC doesn't hold back in criticising the club for failing to book direct flights on its last Asian Champions League away trip.
"The NRL needs to set up a brothel liaison office and to conduct brothel information sessions with all players, including those who profess to be religious."
Party convenor with the Australian Sex Party FIONA PATTEN offers the embattled league some practical advice.
"I didn't apologise to the fans [when I walked out] and I guess that's what I want to do ... I'm sorry for all the heartache and the problems I've caused."
NRL runaway SONNY BILL WILLIAMS finally apologises to Bulldogs fans following his walkout to play rugby union in France.
"Whether they are private conversations after the game on Sunday, whether they are private conversations between me and my captain, whether it's private conversations at our team meeting on Tuesday ... they are private conversations."
Embattled Richmond coach TERRY WALLACE after his players reportedly asked him to quit.
"I am hitting 300 at good pace, I can still match it. You might want to mention Vossy couldn't make it."
Western Bulldogs mouth JASON AKERMANIS fires a shot at former teammate MICHAEL VOSS, the current Brisbane Lions coach.
"We have pulled him out of the World Twenty20 on the basis of a medical report given by our doctor which said that Akhtar needs 10 days to recover from groin wounds. The medical board has reported that Akhtar was suffering from genital viral warts."
The PAKISTAN CRICKET BOARD announces SHOAIB's latest setback.
"I'm going to stay as a manager and my health will tell me when to quit. Let's pray my health will give me five more years."
Manchester United manager Sir ALEX FERGUSON turns his attention to the future after securing his 11th Premier League title with the club.
"In these nine months, the only thing that I've accomplished is a good pasta carbonara."
Former world No. 1 MARIA SHARAPOVA gunning for grand slam glory again after a long-term injury lay-off.
JUNE
"I don't know how he can lie straight in his solarium when all his crew guys seem to do is pull all-nighters to repair his race cars."
V8 Supercar driver RICK KELLY on rival JAMES COURTNEY.
"It became patently obvious to me it was time to move on and for Dean Laidley to continue to further his career and things he wants to do in his life."
DEAN LAIDLEY goes into the third-person explaining his mid-season departure from the struggling Kangaroos.
"There are questions in the community whether the very, very top bracket should be contributing back to their sport."
Sports Minister KATE ELLIS on the possibility of charging HECS to elite AIS-trained athletes earning big bucks to recoup some taxpayer money spent on them.
"It's to the tune of the theme from Dad's Army. I just think it's one of the great unreleased football songs in the making... It's perfect for Tassie."
Tassie ex-pat singer-songwriter SHANE PULLEN has penned a club song just in case Tasmania ever gets an AFL team.
"I'm afraid and fear these cards are going to be the best non-sellers of the year."
Hawthorn president JEFF KENNETT on AFL umpires releasing their own footy collector cards.
"I went up to them and said, 'Who do you think has got more to lose, you have millions of dollars and I earn $30 an hour as a security guard. Who's going to look like the bigger goose?'"
A Kings Cross bouncer says he helped eject Socceroos star TIM CAHILL from a Sydney nightclub. The FFA cleared Cahill.
"You don't need topsoil on your training and home ground because more ashes are spilt after funerals than you could ever put on there yourself."
Collingwood president EDDIE McGUIRE on the passion of the club's supporters.
"You don't see the London Philharmonic doing a rappers' remix of Beethoven's Fifth — so why should cricket do the same with its masterpiece?"
ADAM GILCHRIST after the International Cricket Council said it was looking into day-night Tests.
"If I hadn't gone to that camp I probably would have been in the army."
Ashes pace attack spearhead MITCHELL JOHNSON on his life-changing meeting with DENNIS LILLEE at a fast bowling clinic.
"Those first three tries were probably the softest tries I've ever seen in origin."
Losing NSW state of origin coach CRAIG BELLAMY on game 2.
"I guess it's probably no secret that I do get frustrated. If things don't go your way, if you take a bit more of a light-hearted view, it might help you out a little bit."
Sydney's AFL forward BARRY HALL discusses his latest anger-management technique.
"He's almost immovable, he's got 211 centimetres of height, he's got a reach like a sick dog, so how do you get near him?"
Collingwood coach MICK MALTHOUSE on Fremantle ruckman AARON SANDILANDS.
"I felt like a speedboat in water and never in my life would I have believed that a human could glide like that."
German Olympic champion BRITTA STEFFEN on the new swimsuit she wore when breaking Libby Trickett's world 100 metres freestyle record.
"I have to return to the events in New Zealand. I owe the truth to everybody. On Saturday evening, I went back to the hotel after drinking too much. I fell in my room, I hit a table and I snicked my cheekbone."
France rugby player MATHIEU BASTAREAUD admits he lied when claiming he was assaulted by up to five men in a Wellington street.
Source: http://news.google.com/news/url?fd=R&sa=T&url=http://www.theage.com.au/sport/sport-quotes-of-2009-20100101-llft.html&usg=AFQjCNHIJeH17lwqDICkCay2YVJTCSc44w
January 1, 2010 - 4:23PM
Sport stars can be profound, pretentious or just pig-ignorant, so put your feet up and look back over some of the more memorabel turns of phrase in 2009 with Part 2 tomorrow. Best of luck with everything you want to achieve in the next 12 months. The world's your lobster.
JANUARY
"Is it fair that I got suspended? It's not fair in reality, but it's probably fair in perception."
JOHN DALY, who smashed a fan's camera while visiting Australia and then was suspended from the US PGA Tour for six months for on-going bad publicity. He ended the year a lot slimmer after lap-band surgery.
"The suits do make a difference and now we are getting to a point where some suits are starting to make a lot more of a difference."
A prescient comment to begin the year from Eamon Sullivan's coach GRANT STOELWINDER. The swim-suit controversy dogged the sport throughout 2009.
"We've got a great set-up here, Adelaide United have led the way and we've got a bunch of great lads in the dressing room, not because I see them naked in the shower or anything, but just because they're a great bunch of lads."
Injured and soon to retire, striker PAUL AGOSTINO on why he'll miss Adelaide United.
"I have to believe they are, certainly from the feedbacks I've gotten since I got involved with the ATP. Sports has become such an incredibly lucrative racket, so to speak, for guys on the street."
Former mafia boss MICHAEL FRANZESE says top-level tennis matches are being influenced by gamblers.
"If you look at the criteria, there's some guys in that side which mightn't have done as well as I have."
Victorian BRAD HODGE after yet another non-selection for Australia. Hodge retired from first class cricket later in the year.
"When I look at the Australian Open I'll be a dangerous floater and I don't think a lot of the top guys would like to meet me in the first or second round."
No, not The Poo, but LLEYTON HEWITT following his comeback from injury at the Hopman Cup.
"I got in trouble in Moscow but it's OK, I can survive. Just some small problem that I wasn't in the right place at the right time ... I won the fight. I'm good, I'm OK."
A battered and bruised MARAT SAFIN admits to being in a brawl before arriving in Australia for another tilt at grand slam glory.
"During the sanction period, Song should meditate on his mistake deeply and write a self-criticism."
China's HEILONGJIANG SPORTS BUREAU sets the standard for the NRL, AFL and others after banning speed skater Song Xingyu for a year for rudely gesturing to the crowd.
"I had absolutely zero fear of my position within the cricket team. I believe I would be going on that [Ashes] tour and fulfilling that dream [if I wanted]. This is the point where I want to step off."
Besieged Australia opener MATTHEW HAYDEN after drawing the curtain on his glittering 103-Test cricket career.
"We won't miss his cooking."
After giving a glowing tribute to his retiring mate, Australian captain RICKY PONTING ribs MATTHEW HAYDEN, a successful cookbook author.
"I have a small business. I make brandy, the best thing of all. It's better than whisky, believe me."
JELENA DOKIC's estranged father DAMIR speaking from his home in Belgrade.
"No, I'm sure they'll get it done without me."
ANDY RODDICK when asked if he planned to get up early to watch the inauguaration of US president BARACK OBAMA.
"If someone asked me six or seven weeks ago if I if would be in this position I would have paid them a million dollars."
Former Geelong AFL captain BEN GRAHAM, already sacked three times by two NFL clubs this season, has become the first Australian to make the Super Bowl after his Arizona Cardinals defeated SAV ROCCA'S Philadelphia.
"I'm trying to understand the modern world."
ANDREW SYMONDS on NSW signing Kiwi batting star BRENDON McCULLUM.
"Does he need more rehab? That's up to him and his counsellor to work out."
Australian captain RICKY PONTING on ANDREW SYMONDS.
FEBRUARY
"OK, I got a little tongue-tied — but if I had a pound for every time I've mispronounced a player's name down the years, then I'd be a very wealthy man indeed."
Newcastle Premier League manager JOE KINNEAR after reportedly twice calling his striker CHARLES N'ZOGBIA "Insomnia" in a television inteview.
"I was just a ball boy on the court today."
A sheepish DINARA SAFINA after her 6-0, 6-3 loss to rampant American SERENA WILLIAMS in the Australian Open women's singles final.
"People know me more as the girl who got disqualified in Sydney than winning a bronze medal [at the Athens Olympics], which is really bizarre."
Olympic walker JANE SAVILLE reflects on the ups and downs of her career after announcing her retirement.
"It's obviously bad judgment and it's something I'm not proud of at all."
US swimmer MICHAEL PHELPS' reaction after a British tabloid published a photograph of the Olympic champion in which Phelps appeared to inhale from a glass pipe of the kind used to smoke marijuana.
"I know how you feel right now, it's really tough. But you remember you are a great champion. You are one of the best of history."
Australian Open men's champion RAFAEL NADAL has some words of comfort for ROGER FEDERER after their five-set final.
"Thank you and hopefully this will be the last time you ever see me."
WAYNE CAREY apologises outside court after being convicted and fined $2000 after he pleaded guilty to assaulting police at his Port Melbourne home in January last year.
"Opinions are a bit like backsides, everyone's got one and some of them aren't that great."
North Queensland Fury boss DON MATHESON hits back at critics following the club's signing of former England international ROBBIE FOWLER.
"I'm going to **** myself tomorrow, I know, but I have accepted that."
South Australian golfer TAMIE DURDIN on playing in the final group in the last round of the ANZ Ladies Masters. She shot five-under 67 to tie for second.
"Because of a pissant town, this club will never win anything until you get rid of that crap."
Adelaide United coach AURELIO VIDMAR wins fans in his hometown with this stunning outburst after the Reds' 6-0 aggregate defeat to Melbourne in the A-League major semi-final. He was fined $2000.
"I'm going to get the mean calls: you're gay, you're a poof ... and I am, so I don't care."
Penrith's first-ever male cheerleader AARON NEICH is ready for some sledging in his new rugby league job.
"I don't think he needs to do a couple of laps around the track. He'll be on that horse and he'll be whipping it."
Aussie golfer STUART APPLEBY doesn't think TIGER WOODS will be suffering any rust when he makes his return to the sport at the Match Play Championship in Arizona. His travails later in the year were another issue.
"They were hopeless in Indonesia. I am just being honest. They were absolutely hopeless."
Socceroos coach PIM VERBEEK telling it straight when asked his opinion on how strikers ARCHIE THOMPSON and DANNY ALLSOPP performed in the Asian Cup qualifier against Indonesia which ended in a scoreless draw.
"He's never looked better, he's turned into a machine, he's massive."
A Melbourne Storm official is clearly impressed by the new-look 107-kilogram GREG INGLIS.
MARCH
"On Tuesday morning we were caught in a war ... It's just a bloody game of cricket, not a war. It's not the way life should be or sport should be."
Shocked Australian umpire SIMON TAUFEL'S reaction after being caught in the crossfire of the terrorist attack on the Sri Lankan cricket team in Pakistan which left eight Pakistani policemen dead and several injured.
"It's the rise of the rangas. With Steve Hooker and Joel Milburn, it should be a good year for the redheads. All those kids who get picked on in school, this is for you guys."
Tasmanian redhead TRISTAN THOMAS after beating Beijing Olympic bronze medallist BERSHAWN JACKSON in the 400 metres hurdles at the Sydney Track Classic.
"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."
Irish rugby star BRIAN O'DRISCOLL'S response when asked what it was like to play with and against England manager MARTIN JOHNSON.
"I got on the phone and rang a girl back in Perth, I said, 'real serious, am I a drug addict'? I was devastated. It was a big 12 hours I tell you, we had to fit a lot in, it was like This Is Your Life."
BEN COUSINS says he forgot he was a drug addict after being concussed in his comeback AFL match last week.
"The hardest thing is walking at the moment ... I have absolutely no problems in the car and actually I prefer it that way than the other way around — walking beautifully and having problems in the car."
Formula one driver MARK WEBBER on recovering from a fractured leg which he suffered in a cycling accident in Tasmania last year.
"I always felt confident with this team that they could cope with just about anything, and they did."
Melbourne Victory coach Ernie Merrick, after his team's A-League grand final win over Adelaide.
"I may have been successful as a footballer ... but nonetheless I have been a failure as an emotionally mature man."
Former AFL star WAYNE CAREY, accepting his induction into North Melbourne's Hall of Fame.
"I didn't touch the ball or anything."
Bulldogs captain and illegal 14th man ANDREW RYAN after the NRL club was docked the two competition points it had earned with a last-gasp win over Penrith.
"I've always wanted to get down there and play more in the Aussie sandbelt, because that is my favourite area to play."
TIGER WOODS fancied the prospect of November's Australian Masters, and his big appearance fee.
"Laying in that ditch with a shattered collarbone was a lot better than other health scares I've had."
Tour de France legend and cancer survivor LANCE ARMSTRONG after his comeback was stalled by a crash.
APRIL
"It's just another splinter in the bum as you slide down the banister of life."
Canberra NRL boss JOHN McINTYRE reflecting on coach NEIL HENRY's departure from the Raiders last year via a forgotten contract clause.
"When I come here, people feel for me with some of the things that happened to me at this tournament."
GREG NORMAN at the Masters.
"For 10 years he was always the guy to beat and, sadly, a lot of guys did."
FRANK NOBILO on GREG NORMAN.
"Every goal by Bolivia was a knife in the heart."
Coach DIEGO MARADONA after presiding over Argentina's worst World Cup qualifying loss, 6-1 to Bolivia in La Paz.
"It is now seemingly a matter of every other sporting body that's subordinate to this [the Australian Olympic Committee] just lining up in a queue to punish him for precisely the same thing. I just cannot see the point ... I don't know when it is going to finish."
JUSTIN D'ARCY on his son NICK being kicked off the Rome world swimming championships team by Swimming Australia after an assault charge.
"There is nothing acceptable about this incident and it is offensive to women and indeed to all members of the community."
AFL football operations manager ADRIAN ANDERSON on the chook sex video produced by a group of North Melbourne players.
"I hated it at times. Whoever says it's enjoyable is dead set kidding themselves."
MICHAEL VOSS on his AFL coaching debut in the nine-point win over West Coast.
MAY
"You really need to pinch yourself to believe that he can still spin a web around the best of batsmen in the world. He retired in 2007 and now spends more time on the poker table than on cricket pitches, but give him the ball and the magic resumes."
Indian off-spinner HARBHAJAN SINGH marvels at the ageless SHANE WARNE.
"If I fought King Kong tonight, it would have been the same. I felt great. Guys, I'm back ... Anthony Mundine, you called me out ... it's lights out."
DANNY GREEN puts arch rival ANTHONY MUNDINE on notice after demolishing South African Anthony van Niekerk.
"It's like when you first go back to school. Very excited listening to the teacher and things like that, eating your lunch."
Big Kiwi forward and obvious food lover JEFF LIMA gives his own unique take on the excitement in the New Zealand camp ahead of the trans-Tasman Test.
"I just don't understand what's going on with me, like what is it with my brain."
Shades of older brother MARAT as DINARA SAFINA tries to explain her patchy form since rising to women's tennis No. 1 ranking.
"It was horrific ... it was one of those car crashtype scenarios. Two blokes absolutely and equally committed to the contest."
Richmond coach TERRY WALLACE after the Rance-Selwood collision.
"I suffered like a dog but maybe the fact that I am a professional sportsman and used to competing and fighting helped me."
Golf great SEVE BALLESTEROS on his recuperation after four surgeries to remove a cancerous brain tumour.
"I don't have a bazooka, but it is not a problem for me to get a bazooka."
Everyone's favourite tennis dad DAMIR DOKIC was found to have a cache of various weapons at his home — though not a bazooka — after Serbian police arrested him for threatening to blow up the Australian ambassador in Belgrade.
"It was 11 men against 11 babies."
Manchester United's PATRICE EVRA rubs salt into Arsenal's wounds after his team's Champions League 3-1 semi-final victory.
"Are you watching this? It's a disgrace. It's a f---ing disgrace."
Chelsea player DIDIER DROGBA'S restrained comments to the TV cameras after confronting Norwegian referee TOM HENNING OVREBO following his team's controversial Champions League exit to Barcelona.
"If I had a gun I'd shoot them right now ... I hate them. They disgust me. For all that they did, I hate them so much."
The woman at the centre of a group sex scandal involving several Cronulla Sharks players in Christchurch seven years ago says in a Four Corners report her life has been destroyed by the incident.
"I wouldn't be so sad. Some other players would be. Maybe Andrew Strauss would be sad. Maybe he will be sad if Test cricket dies and Twenty20 comes in. Because there is no way he can make the change. So tough luck. I like Twenty20. Who doesn't?"
Windies captain CHRIS GAYLE, saying he wouldn't mind if Test cricket disappeared altogether while having a dig at England skipper STRAUSS.
"It was 30 hours to get back to Newcastle from Japan. Is that normal? But we went on a round-the-world trip. We should have just gone to Paris. I could have stayed there for a weekend, gone to a gay disco or two and come back home."
Jets defender LJUBO MILICEVIC doesn't hold back in criticising the club for failing to book direct flights on its last Asian Champions League away trip.
"The NRL needs to set up a brothel liaison office and to conduct brothel information sessions with all players, including those who profess to be religious."
Party convenor with the Australian Sex Party FIONA PATTEN offers the embattled league some practical advice.
"I didn't apologise to the fans [when I walked out] and I guess that's what I want to do ... I'm sorry for all the heartache and the problems I've caused."
NRL runaway SONNY BILL WILLIAMS finally apologises to Bulldogs fans following his walkout to play rugby union in France.
"Whether they are private conversations after the game on Sunday, whether they are private conversations between me and my captain, whether it's private conversations at our team meeting on Tuesday ... they are private conversations."
Embattled Richmond coach TERRY WALLACE after his players reportedly asked him to quit.
"I am hitting 300 at good pace, I can still match it. You might want to mention Vossy couldn't make it."
Western Bulldogs mouth JASON AKERMANIS fires a shot at former teammate MICHAEL VOSS, the current Brisbane Lions coach.
"We have pulled him out of the World Twenty20 on the basis of a medical report given by our doctor which said that Akhtar needs 10 days to recover from groin wounds. The medical board has reported that Akhtar was suffering from genital viral warts."
The PAKISTAN CRICKET BOARD announces SHOAIB's latest setback.
"I'm going to stay as a manager and my health will tell me when to quit. Let's pray my health will give me five more years."
Manchester United manager Sir ALEX FERGUSON turns his attention to the future after securing his 11th Premier League title with the club.
"In these nine months, the only thing that I've accomplished is a good pasta carbonara."
Former world No. 1 MARIA SHARAPOVA gunning for grand slam glory again after a long-term injury lay-off.
JUNE
"I don't know how he can lie straight in his solarium when all his crew guys seem to do is pull all-nighters to repair his race cars."
V8 Supercar driver RICK KELLY on rival JAMES COURTNEY.
"It became patently obvious to me it was time to move on and for Dean Laidley to continue to further his career and things he wants to do in his life."
DEAN LAIDLEY goes into the third-person explaining his mid-season departure from the struggling Kangaroos.
"There are questions in the community whether the very, very top bracket should be contributing back to their sport."
Sports Minister KATE ELLIS on the possibility of charging HECS to elite AIS-trained athletes earning big bucks to recoup some taxpayer money spent on them.
"It's to the tune of the theme from Dad's Army. I just think it's one of the great unreleased football songs in the making... It's perfect for Tassie."
Tassie ex-pat singer-songwriter SHANE PULLEN has penned a club song just in case Tasmania ever gets an AFL team.
"I'm afraid and fear these cards are going to be the best non-sellers of the year."
Hawthorn president JEFF KENNETT on AFL umpires releasing their own footy collector cards.
"I went up to them and said, 'Who do you think has got more to lose, you have millions of dollars and I earn $30 an hour as a security guard. Who's going to look like the bigger goose?'"
A Kings Cross bouncer says he helped eject Socceroos star TIM CAHILL from a Sydney nightclub. The FFA cleared Cahill.
"You don't need topsoil on your training and home ground because more ashes are spilt after funerals than you could ever put on there yourself."
Collingwood president EDDIE McGUIRE on the passion of the club's supporters.
"You don't see the London Philharmonic doing a rappers' remix of Beethoven's Fifth — so why should cricket do the same with its masterpiece?"
ADAM GILCHRIST after the International Cricket Council said it was looking into day-night Tests.
"If I hadn't gone to that camp I probably would have been in the army."
Ashes pace attack spearhead MITCHELL JOHNSON on his life-changing meeting with DENNIS LILLEE at a fast bowling clinic.
"Those first three tries were probably the softest tries I've ever seen in origin."
Losing NSW state of origin coach CRAIG BELLAMY on game 2.
"I guess it's probably no secret that I do get frustrated. If things don't go your way, if you take a bit more of a light-hearted view, it might help you out a little bit."
Sydney's AFL forward BARRY HALL discusses his latest anger-management technique.
"He's almost immovable, he's got 211 centimetres of height, he's got a reach like a sick dog, so how do you get near him?"
Collingwood coach MICK MALTHOUSE on Fremantle ruckman AARON SANDILANDS.
"I felt like a speedboat in water and never in my life would I have believed that a human could glide like that."
German Olympic champion BRITTA STEFFEN on the new swimsuit she wore when breaking Libby Trickett's world 100 metres freestyle record.
"I have to return to the events in New Zealand. I owe the truth to everybody. On Saturday evening, I went back to the hotel after drinking too much. I fell in my room, I hit a table and I snicked my cheekbone."
France rugby player MATHIEU BASTAREAUD admits he lied when claiming he was assaulted by up to five men in a Wellington street.
Source: http://news.google.com/news/url?fd=R&sa=T&url=http://www.theage.com.au/sport/sport-quotes-of-2009-20100101-llft.html&usg=AFQjCNHIJeH17lwqDICkCay2YVJTCSc44w